Monday, 17 April 2017

She is risen indeed. Hallelujah!

Easter. A time for family, chocolate, the Homeland season finale and several good bottles of vino. Unfortunately, this year, I still have a stinking cold, blocked sinuses and a bad attitude. We are spending Easter at my Mums. My small one will be spoiled rotten. Granny has got an Easter egg hunt all set up for her, something which I never had. The Easter bunny was seen as something very “American” (said with Celia Johnson rolled ‘r’) when I was growing up. Sainsbury’s is now full of plastic treasures such as Egg and spoon race sets and an abundance of rabbit ears all keeping the Chinese economy buoyant.
Up until last week I was lying suffering in my sick bed and I had been sent home from a voice over job for sounding like the girl with the cold. Yep, that’s me. So, I felt so utterly shite that I had to spend 24 hours lying down. I can’t remember the last time I did that. Well, I can. It was after my first taste of wine after having a baby and me and my friend went a bit mental on the old Pinot Noir. I think we had three glasses but not having drunk for 2 years we both woke up feeling like our drinks had been spiked and couldn’t move from our beds for the whole day.

This cold has knocked me for six. I tried to get a doctor’s appointment by
playing the call back game at 8am on the dot. After the 10th attempt I got through and all the appointments had gone. Bums. I lay there, with small one running in throwing her Peppa Pig slippers at me, pulling at the duvet shouting “Wake up, Mummy!” My husband kept asking me if I was “feeling better”. He couldn’t quite comprehend that I was out of action. The morning was full of questions. “What shall we wear today?” What shall I give her for lunch?” “Do you think you’ll feel better after lunch so we can go to the Park?” “How long do I microwave this for?”. The answer to all of these was “Urrrrggggghhhhhhh”, interspersed with my hacking cough and the clearing of my nasal passages. Around 11am the small one decided that it was nap time and that she quite fancied a snuggle with Mummy so we both conked out for an hour and a half which was rather lovely. Bless her, she was so worried about me. She kept saying “Ok?” with rising intonation. Mummy was a wounded soldier and she couldn’t understand what was wrong with me.

In the afternoon, they both went out and left me to it. I managed to make my 20th cup of tea and headed back to bed with no interruptions. There I lay, no Peppa Pig slippers in my grill, no shopping trolleys being wheeled in to play shop or demands for Play Doh. All was calm. It was an odd feeling. Quiet. Me on my own feeling like death warmed up. I farted around on my blog for a bit and then tried to sleep. Haha. That wasn’t going to happen.  I didn’t know what to do with myself. When your entire day is usually filled with going to work, drop offs/pick ups at childcare, reading stories, washing, nappy changes, snack time, cooking fusilli, scrambling eggs and waiting for your emails to ping with offers of work, lying in bed doing nothing is weird. I knew there was loads of things that I should be doing but was actually unable to do.

That night I took the blue pill in the Lemsip cold and flu packet. In days of yore you wouldn’t have seen me until morning, surrounded by my own hair and dribble. At 10pm I woke up as my husband had the tele on in the living room and it was like I was in the room it was so loud. I couldn’t be arsed to get out of bed so I texted him to turn it down. The small one woke at 2am so I hauled my sorry arse out of my pit to go and console her. Luckily, she went straight back to sleep. I lay in bed for half an hour trying to get back to sleep. I’d taken the blue pill for crying out loud! The next morning, I woke up and my husband bounced out of bed thinking that the little one next door had slept through and that I hadn’t moved from my peaceful slumber all night. Ha bloody ha. I arose out of bed. She is risen! Hallelujah! I felt slightly better but still not quite on form. No marathon running for me today. And, so back to reality I went. That’s the thing about motherhood: you can’t be out of action for long. The problem is that I kept going through this darn bug. Going to work, night wakings for these sodding molars coming through, birthday drinks for my lovely friend. I was hell bent on a normal service running but sadly I should have stopped for scheduled engineering works. Things have got worse and worse. I am currently typing this, sat by the fire at my Mums having been up for most of the night with a certain person who was being a bit of a bugger. With lack of sleep it’s one step forward, two steps back with this bloody thing. I want to feel well again. I want to get through 10 minutes of the day without blowing my nose. I want to be able to taste the cheese that I can now eat having given it up for Lent. I want to go to the gym to work off that cheese and go to work without having to apologise for the blocked nose and lack of voice. So, come on cold. Just piss off. Like an irritating friend that likes the sound of their own voice and drinks all your booze, you’re not welcome here. Time to bugger off so that I can go out with my friends this week and not feel like the resident leper. So, happy Easter one and all. Hope yours was full of chocolate and not Otravine. Otravine is a sorry substitute.

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